One who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence… 1 Timothy 3:4-5
The balance of power in many homes has shifted from the parents to the children. Perhaps you and your spouse have opted for a “child-centered” home. The purpose of this article is to encourage you to take back control.
The key to taking control is a simple two-step process. First you make rules. The home is not a democracy. Children don’t get a vote. You have absolute authority. You are the legislative, executive, and judicial branch all rolled into one. Your children must see you as the ultimate authority. You make the rules, not them. You are in charge. You are the boss.
The second step is to enforce the rules. When you make a rule, you’ve got to stand behind it. This requires backbone. You can’t be wishy-washy. You have to mean what you say. Give in and your children won’t take your rules seriously. More importantly, they won’t take you seriously, and that’s something that cannot happen. You must be respected, and you earn respect by enforcing the rules you make.
The earlier you establish this in your home the better. Don’t wait till they’re teenagers. That’s too late! Training must begin when they’re still toddlers.
Nap-time. Some parents like their children to take a nap in the morning, some think it should be in the afternoon, and others think naptime needs to be flexible. But one thing is certain, you decide when naptime is going to be, not your children! When it’s time to lie down (whenever that time might be), then it’s time to lie down. It’s not a matter of whether your children feel like going down for a nap. If it’s naptime, then it’s naptime. Your children have no say.
Meal time. Some people like beef, some chicken or fish, and others are vegetarians. Some think milk is important, and others think milk is bad. Some like meals made from scratch, and others like meals that are easy. Nutritional concerns aside, it makes no difference what’s on your dinner table. That’s not my concern. The important thing is this: whatever you serve them, that’s what they’re going to eat! They don’t have a choice. They don’t have to like it. You are not their short-order cook. They must eat whatever you put in front of them.
Bed time. Some people like to stay up late, while others like to go to bed early. It does not matter when you choose bedtime to be, but you are the one who makes that decision, not your children! The critical issue is this: when you tell your children to go to bed, they go to bed!
Parents, you must be strong! Don’t say: “We’re turning off the TV after this show, okay?” “We’re going to have carrots tonight, okay?” “We’re going to bed now, okay?” We don’t have to have our children’s approval or permission. We don’t take a vote to see what they prefer. We’re not as concerned about their happiness as we are about their obedience. We’re not seeking their approval. We want their respect. We’re not trying to be their friends. We’re trying to be their parents.
A surprising thing will happen when you take the control back in your home. Your children will be happy! Look at child centered homes. Are the kids happy? No, they’re miserable. Look at homes that are ruled by parents. Are the children happy? They are! They are happy because they have boundaries where they feel safe and secure. Your children will protest, but in the long run they’ll be happier. Most importantly, they’ll respect you, and that’s your ultimate goal. If you remember nothing else from this article, remember this: YOU ARE THE BOSS!
One other thing… Ephesians 6:2 says that children are to “honor their father and mother.” Though it is not limited to this, I believe that verse says that children must speak to their parents in a respectful way. I believe disrespect to a parent to be the most serious offence a child could commit. A child should be swiftly and severely punished when he speaks to a parent disrespectfully. It is not to be allowed under any circumstances. This is a zero tolerance offence. It doesn’t matter how tired or frustrated the child is. They are never to speak that way to a parent. They should be punished immediately and severely when they speak disrespectfully to a parent.
What I want to hear from children is “Yes sir” and “No sir” and “Yes mam” and “No mam.” That’s showing respect for their elders. A sister commented to me recently about a teenage boy who always rose out of his pew when she greeted him at church. That’s not just good manners. That’s godliness (see Levitcus 19:32). What we want, more than anything, is for our children to respect God’s authority. And will our children ever respect God’s authority if they don’t respect ours? We’re creating hearts that will fear and reverence the Lord God. That’s why we must demand respect from our children.
~ by David Maxson