the fruit of the Spirit is. . . kindness. Galatians 5:22
I believe patience and kindness are next to each other in this list because they belong together (see also 1 Corinthians 13:4 and 2 Corinthians 6:6). They are both products of agape love.
But what are the differences? One way to differentiate is to see patience as reactive and kindness as proactive. Patience helps you minimize negative situations. Kindness, however, enables you to make positive gains in your relationship.
If you were to think of your marriage as a car, patience would be the brake and kindness would be the accelerator. Patience helps slow things down when the road becomes treacherous. Kindness helps your marriage pick up speed and get you to where you want to go.
Unfortunately, many of us see only one of these as necessary (especially husbands). We tend to view kindness as a bonus we give our wives on a special occasion (like their birthday). Since our idea of a happy home is a peaceful home, as long as we don’t cause any problems we’re doing our job. Oh, our wives are going to blow up every now and then (they’re emotional, you know). We just have to be patient with them and they’ll eventually get over whatever is bothering them.
But is this love? Do we really love our wives when we show so little concern for them?
Kindness may not seem like a big deal to us, but it is no small matter to God. Kindness is found in many of the major lists of virtues in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 13:4-8; Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12-14). We understand that God communicates his own love to us through kindness (Romans 2:4; Ephesians 2:7; Titus 3:4), and that if we want to be like him we must show his kindness to others (Luke 6:35).
The fact is most of us believe that! Be kind to your neighbor. Be kind to your boss. Be kind to your friends. Be kind to your enemies. We just don’t think about being kind to our mates! (Do we not often show more courtesy to strangers?)
It’s not that we always felt this way. We were really kind and considerate long ago. When we were dating we opened the door, spoke sweetly, and did everything we could to be kind. But we’ve accomplished our objective and all of that stuff isn’t really necessary now. All we have to do is just live with them till death we do part and patiently endure their many flaws. (God help us!)
There are three important facts we should note about kindness:
1. Kindness is thoughtful.
Yet it was kind of you to share in my trouble. Philippians 4:14
Kindness takes the initiative. It does not sit on the couch and wait to be asked. Kindness actively looks for opportunities to bless. It greets first, smiles first, serves first, and forgives first.
2. Kindness is opposed to anger.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another… Ephesians 4:31-32
Do you see the contrast? Anger is a selfish emotion. We feel justified in our anger when we’ve been wronged because we’re thinking selfishly. The loving, selfless response to a wrong is not anger, but kindness (see Romans 12:17-21).
3. Kindness gives with no strings attached.
love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35
“Why should I do anything for her? She never thanks me!”
“Why should I do that for him? He won’t notice!”
Kindness does not speak this way. God’s kindness for us is based on his love, not on our worthiness. If we’re going to love as God loves, we’re going to be kind to our mates even when they don’t “deserve” it.
But finally, how is kindness expressed in marriage?
Kindness is smiling at your husband when he comes into the room. It is showing your wife the same energy and enthusiasm you show to your most important client.
Kindness is respecting your husband and thanking him for the long hours he spends at work to provide. It’s opening the door for her, treating her like a queen, and making her feel special.
Kindness is dressing up for your husband and trying to look attractive for him. It is taking your wife out on a surprise date.
Kindness is biting your tongue when your husband has forgotten to fix that leaky faucet for the fourth consecutive weekend. It is turning off the cell phone, TV, Internet . . . and asking your wife how her day was. (And really listening!)
Kindness is not a small thing in marriage. It’s not an extra we throw in every now and then just to be nice. It should be viewed as the lifeblood that keeps our relationship alive.
But remember what the purpose of marriage is! It’s growth! We’ll never resemble God more than when we are kind.