the fruit of the Spirit is. . . faithfulness. Galatians 5:22
What is the state of marriage in America?
Well, if marriage were a stock, we’d all be selling. Since 1970 the number of married couples has increased 19%, singles has increased 85%, and unmarried couples has increased 400%.
Far from being ashamed of divorce, our culture glorifies it. Debbie Ford, in her book Spiritual Divorce, calls divorce “a catalyst for an extraordinary life.” Spiritual divorce is defined as one in which “we use our divorce to improve our lives, and our experience becomes one of gain rather than loss.”
The CBS Early Show had a segment on “divorce ceremonies.” Phil and Barbara Pennigroth wrote A Healing Divorce, in which they claim that a divorce ritual can end the acrimony between ex-spouses. They suggest exchanging non-wedding rings as a symbol of the reversal of their commitment and actually say the words: “I release you as my husband/wife.”
Commitment has become so rare that one Los Angeles jewelry store has posted a sign: “We Rent Wedding Rings.”
Things are indeed bad and getting worse. It makes you wonder if there is any hope for marriage at all?
But we know there is hope! Surrounded by the lusts of the flesh, we have crucified the flesh and are living by the Spirit. We’ve seen thus far that this produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and goodness in our marriages. This week, we look at faithfulness.
1. Be faithful in the “little things.”
Woe to you, blind guides, who say, “If anyone swears by the temple, it is nothing, but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath. Matthew 23:16
Jesus rebukes those who categorize promises (big and small), but there’s no such thing as a small promise. Jesus said, “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’” (Matthew 5:37)
Do we not often think this way? “You’ve got to keep your vows,” we say, “Divorce is a sin.” But we don’t worry too much about the other promises we routinely break (like that promise to go shopping with her this weekend).
If you’re not faithful in the little things, you won’t be faithful in the big things. Lying is habitual. Thinking in terms of “big” and “small” commitments is actually a sign that we’ve conditioned ourselves to be dishonest.
2. Be faithful in the “big things.”
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33
What are the “big things” in marriage? Just what were we vowing to do when we said, “I do”?
Wives, you vowed to submit to your husbands. If you aren’t showing respect to your husband you are breaking your vow.
Husbands, you vowed to love your wife as yourself. If you don’t love your wife you are breaking your vow.
We’ve got to view our fulfillment of these roles as a test of our honor. We’ve made promises and if we don’t keep them we are liars. We are vow breakers as much as the Hollywood types who go from one mistress to another.
And we’re not just breaking the vow we’ve made to our mates when we do this. We being unfaithful to our Lord: “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
3. Be faithful even when your mate isn’t.
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
If there’s anything we learn from the Old Testament it is that God is faithful and his people are not. The Israelites break covenant again and again but God loves them anyway.
Are we reflecting the faithfulness of God in our marriages?
What we said was, “in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, etc.” Did we really mean that? Most do at the time. We anticipate that rough times will come. There’s even a romantic quality to the idea of living on nothing, budgeting every dime, nursing each other to health, enduring a tragedy together, etc.
What isn’t considered is that the wonderful, charming person at the altar could become such a grouch; that all the love and esteem while dating would turn to indifference so quickly.
This may be where you are with your mate. Love them anyway! Cherish her! Respect him! Value her! Honor him! The vows you made were unilateral, not: “I’ll keep mine if you keep yours.” You made a promise! Keep it regardless.
It’s amazing what can happen to a marriage if even one person makes the decision to keep their promises. But even if you do try this and it does not make your marriage better (or even save it), keeping your promises will always make you a better Christian (which is the purpose of marriage anyway).
Remember that we are married to One who always keeps His promises (Ephesians 5:29-32). If for no other reason, let’s be faithful to our mates so we might be faithful to Him!
~ by David Maxson