the fruit of the Spirit is. . . self-control. Galatians 5:23
For most Americans, Thanksgiving means three things: family, football, and FOOD!
I’ve been known to eat too much on Thanksgiving. It’s just hard to resist. And while it is coincidence that this article fell on the eve of Thanksgiving, it does provide a good illustration. Self-control is the ability to control your appetites: to eat just one helping of turkey and dressing, to take one trip to the desert table, etc.
But while a lack of self-control on Thanksgiving may only cause indigestion, a lack of self-control in marriage can be devastating. Consider these problems that plague marriages:
Lust. Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Proverbs 5:15
Alcoholism. Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise. Proverbs 20:1
Workaholism. Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist. Proverbs 23:4
Overspending. Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man’s dwelling, but a foolish man devours it. Proverbs 21:20
Anger. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11
Do you struggle with any of these? Is your marriage suffering for a lack of self-control? How can you learn to control these appetites?
Much could be said about the importance of Bible study and prayer; about avoiding bad influences; but as much as anything else, self-control is the product of a powerful, all-consuming, life-changing vision.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Paul did not wander aimlessly. He knew what his purpose was, and that purpose defined everything about him: his diet (1 Corinthians 8:1-13), his marital status (1 Corinthians 9:5), his career (1 Corinthians 9:6-18), his whole life (1 Corinthians 9:19-23). He had a mission and all his desires were subdued to achieve that mission.
What about you? Does your life have a godly focus? How would your life be different if it did?
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Colossians 3:2-4
I challenge you to think about the purpose of your marriage. We don’t do things like this much. We just assume things are true about ourselves and our relationships and go about our business. But oftentimes our assumptions are not true.
Get out a pad and pencil, sit down with your husband or wife, and answer questions like:
- What is the purpose of our marriage?
- What kind of marriage do we want to have?
- What habits and desires are destructive to our home?
- What weaknesses need to be worked on?
- What are our strengths and how can they be used to achieve our goals?
List the Fruits of the Spirit on another page and rate yourself and your mate (perhaps on a scale from 1 to 5). Write comments explaining why you rated each one the way you did. Then compare notes and discuss.
Stephen Covey said, “Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.”
Paul said, “walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16)
You can climb the ladder that gratifies the flesh, or you can climb the ladder that leads to heaven. Either way, you choose which ladder you’re climbing. You have the power to choose your own walk. Living a self-controlled life begins with a conscious choice to live for Christ.
And so we’ve come to the end of our series on marriage. If nothing else, we pray you understand that a marriage made in heaven offers much more than mere happiness. God is less concerned with our happiness than he is with our growth. A marriage made in heaven is one that prepares us for heaven.
Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee, and we will ascend together. (A Quaker proverb)
~ by David Maxson